Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading So sick and tired of all the needless beating
Profile charlene britten, main blog Archives May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 September 2009 October 2009	Wednesday, 30 September 2009 Dear God, I love Him dear blog, i just woke up ,i took a nap awhile because yesterday i didnt sleep at all.i couldnt sleep and i think i wont be sleeping again tonight. i dont feel okay right now ,yesterday i had more issues and today alot of people ask why im not as bright as yesterday and why im mad alot of times.well i could only say "haha friggin heartbreak" and at home i dont really feel like home anymore.i spend most of my time alone in my room with music blaring so loud while downstairs my father's worrying like hell about me =( btw yesterday he told my darling masgans(y) he's still going to wait for her and every time i remember about it my heart falls to the ground .well he told me about it before but i thought i could change his feeling but i was wrong ,i was damn wrong.right now im not quite sure what is my feeling over him .it's like i want him so bad it hurts but i dont think we'll be something more so it will be sucha waste for trying. last night he was falling apart and he wont tell me the reason .last night i was falling apart too ,it became worse ,i cant control my feelings .i felt really sad i cant think ,i cant move ,i cant breathe and suddenly my body feels weaker than ever but............. last night i wanted to be strong for him ,i wanted him to know im perfectly fine . i want to bring him up ,i want to see his bright smile that really makes my day . somehow i know what he feels ,somehow i feel like i've been through it all and i care so bad about him that i wish i could just give "i know it's going to be really hard but i know i will survive" thing to him so he could stand strong because i know he hasnt realize yet that theres just so much more he hasnt found in life and he just hasnt realize yet how blessed he is. and i wish he could believe me when i say because i know everything will be okay and he will survive because i know deep down he's strong ,he just doesnt know it at all idk what im feeling right now but if the only thing that could make him happy is her than i'll pray for him every single night so they could be together again . i would do anything so i could see him happy ,even i know i'll be weaker than ever if i see him with some other chick -_- but darling i desperately want him to be happy, he doesnt have to know how real this feeling right now at least God knows how true this feeling is from every single prayer i do at night for him (lol najisah i sound extremely religious padahal kaga gitu amat kayaknya -,-) oh oh theres this song vierra-rasa ini oh my gosh alay banget kan gue tapi bodo ah but duluuuuuuuuu banget before this feeling grown this song really reminds me of him because when i broke down because of some other guy he was there and now my heart beats for him. aaaaaaaaaaanddd the first words of the song simple plan-i can wait forever reminds me of him ALOT because i think he looks "beautiful" in my eyes every single day (i dont mean physicaly only ,but everything about him is beautiful lol) apalagi when he wore his green jacket terpesona abis gue waktu itu wakakakak -_- Friday, 25 September 2009 good and bad news dear blog , i havent written for quite a long time and i have good and bad news tonight the good news is ----> on 09/23/2009 i just got my first kiss♥ awww i mean like im a girl and first kiss is the sweetest thing you could get after first love especially when you're a teenager like meeeeee. it was yesterday in his house ,no one knows except me and him right now .he told me not to tell anyone well i haven't yet -_- well i was smiling all day yesterday because of it and the feeling was...... idk it's just i was happy no pain no emptiness nothing just happy and okay =) and the bad news is ----> i have to leave him it's not that i dont love him or anything ,i love him and i swear really do .well i was just trying to learn to love him but it seems like something is holding him back and i hate the way he acts different around me when our friends are around us. so im tired of pretending around our friends and i assume im not the girl he's into and today he's acting so weird, i have a feeling he wants to let go :( so today i just said thank you and goodbye to him on MSN which i think is the stupidest thing someone could ever do ,i mean saying goodbye from MSN?.................................... STUPID :( and after i did that i actually cried and screamed really hard .my heart was breaking and i felt a million of emotions bursting out .anyone might think im stupid for falling for a person and actually having a heart broken too damn quick but this is me. i easily fall for someone especially what he did to me was something any girl would love.maybe this feeling is not true yet but it's still a feeling and i call it falling in love oh by the way just few moments ago i accidentaly found this quote and i think it really suit me right now ,lebay dari keadaan aslinya sih tapi biarin deh -_- it was one of the scariest feelings i ever had do you know what it feels like to have the one you care about most in the whole entire world, give their heart to some other girl? she could return his love, turn him down, use him, abuse him. ANYTHING. and all you cant do is stand by and watch you watch to see when he's happy, because then you know she must have made him laugh that day or watch his heart break because then you know she didn't return his call. so here i am watching you head over heels, while im hanging here upside down in love with you
But baby, where they knock you down and out Is where you oughta stay