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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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charlene britten,
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Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Dear God, I love Him

dear blog,
i just woke up ,i took a nap awhile because yesterday i didnt sleep at all.i couldnt sleep and i think i wont be sleeping again tonight.
i dont feel okay right now ,yesterday i had more issues and today alot of people ask why im not as bright as yesterday and why im mad alot of times.well i could only say "haha friggin heartbreak" and at home i dont really feel like home anymore.i spend most of my time alone in my room with music blaring so loud while downstairs my father's worrying like hell about me =(

btw yesterday he told my darling masgans(y) he's still going to wait for her and every time i remember about it my heart falls to the ground .well he told me about it before but i thought i could change his feeling but i was wrong ,i was damn wrong.right now im not quite sure what is my feeling over him .it's like i want him so bad it hurts but i dont think we'll be something more so it will be sucha waste for trying.

last night he was falling apart and he wont tell me the reason .last night i was falling apart too ,it became worse ,i cant control my feelings .i felt really sad i cant think ,i cant move ,i cant breathe and suddenly my body feels weaker than ever but............. last night i wanted to be strong for him ,i wanted him to know im perfectly fine . i want to bring him up ,i want to see his bright smile that really makes my day . somehow i know what he feels ,somehow i feel like i've been through it all and i care so bad about him that i wish i could just give "i know it's going to be really hard but i know i will survive" thing to him so he could stand strong because i know he hasnt realize yet that theres just so much more he hasnt found in life and he just hasnt realize yet how blessed he is.

and i wish he could believe me when i say
because i know everything will be okay and he will survive because i know deep down he's strong ,he just doesnt know it at all

idk what im feeling right now but if the only thing that could make him happy is her than i'll pray for him every single night so they could be together again . i would do anything so i could see him happy ,even i know i'll be weaker than ever if i see him with some other chick -_- but darling i desperately want him to be happy, he doesnt have to know how real this feeling right now at least God knows how true this feeling is from every single prayer i do at night for him (lol najisah i sound extremely religious padahal kaga gitu amat kayaknya -,-)

oh oh theres this song vierra-rasa ini oh my gosh alay banget kan gue tapi bodo ah but duluuuuuuuuu banget before this feeling grown this song really reminds me of him because when i broke down because of some other guy he was there and now my heart beats for him.
aaaaaaaaaaanddd the first words of the song simple plan-i can wait forever reminds me of him ALOT because i think he looks "beautiful" in my eyes every single day (i dont mean physicaly only ,but everything about him is beautiful lol) apalagi when he wore his green jacket terpesona abis gue waktu itu wakakakak -_-
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay